To those of you who have visited my website I say, “thank you”. To those reading my blog, I want to say that I have appreciated your comments. I only wish I have had the time to be more responsive, and I hope to be able to make more comments in the future.
I never considered myself a writer prior to my experience with “J”. But as as my relationship with “J” began to take on a life of its own, I searched for information and found little. in fact, nothing much was known about what it meant to be transgender, let alone what it meant to be transsexual. As I experienced “J’s” transition, and tried to support “J”, I wished for support for myself. I had fears and along with those fears came questions I had no one to ask of for answers.
My fears and lack of information often undermined my responses to “J” who I loved and wanted to be supportive of. I just did not know what “J” needed.
Searching for clarification and insight, I quickly realized there was a need for information for significant others. I forged ahead and struggled to find answers on my own. I don’t say I took the right course of action, but I took the paths that presented themselves. I came to the conclusion that perhaps if I spoke out, shared my experience, maybe I could help others who might find themselves in a similar situation. I felt the best course of action was to write a book. Decision made, I began. Sounds simple? Ha! It wasn’t.
I struggled for four years just to write the first sentence on paper. One pulls memoir deep from within the inner self. I found that I had to confront more than the story of our relationship in writing the book, I had to expose my own self. Fears set in. Who would listen? Would anyone really want to know our story? I began to fear the reaction of family and friends, let alone ‘the world’. And then, one day, I knew I what I needed to say: “I am an ordinary woman.”
And in explaining that “J” was not an “ordinary man”, my journey, and our extraordinary story unfolds, one chapter at a time.
Nearly fourteen years later, I published “The Sky Turned Green & The Grass Turned Blue: Diane’s Story” which I hope may help you on your journey to understanding. You can find my book on Amazon Books, in paperback and Kindle. You can purchase in almost any e-book format through Smashwords.com, and can request at Barnes and Noble. Many San Francisco independent booksellers carry my book, as well as, booksellers in the East Bay, and Compass Books at the San Francisco Airport, terminals 2 and 3.
THANK YOU. Diane