My Book Is Out, Thanks to You!

In an effort to support significant others, and to see if there is an interest in my story, and the topic which is my relationship with M2F TS with regard to his>her coming out and transition, I have asked your help over the past five years either as blog views  or questions.

In my story I share experiences, thoughts, and the feelings I had during J’s transition. By doing so, I hope significant others, who may be having difficulty with the TS transition, will find it easier to understand and accept. I believe everyone should be able to live their life as their authentic self.

Your click on different topics helped me see what topic you found of most interest. This is also helpful for posts I might add to the blog. I have posted videos and informational links as aids to those who need the information. Not everyone that views may find the information pertinent to their need. Each post reflects an experience I had with J.

I would appreciate it if you would follow me on Twitter @GreenSkySF

Join me on Facebook, I am at  Diane Story.  My book, now published, is prominent on the site.  “The Sky is Green & The Grass is Blue: Diane’s Story” (My Personal Journey as the Significant Other to an M2F Transsexual)

Send me questions you might have to E-MAIL: dianakellyauthor@gmail.com  and I will respond.

Thank you for viewing this site, and for your support for my writing.

In my book, Chapter 27, Out of the Mouths of Babes, I tell what I did.

Please share your concerns about telling your #children your #TSsecret

How do you think they will respond when they learn Dad is coming out…?

Mom is coming out….?

Or… if a separated (divorced) parent was, now, dating and learned their partner was #TS…?

Your comments may help someone else who faces these situations prepare their own disclosure.When J came out, I told my children. A couple of them were surprised, but two others were not surprised at all. Children often sense what we as adults overlook, or, recognize on some level, what an adult may not initially grasp. They are often intuitive, and are very resilient. Consider, you ARE their parent. They don’t want to lose your love. Reassurance is always good. Thank you for your comments.

#trans #children #family #LGBT #TS #dad #mom #TSsecret #communication #honesty #comingout

Believe me, Keeping the Secret is Harder Than Telling the Truth

J managed to keep his #TSsecret from me. It is important to say here, that as betrayed as we might feel in the initial discovery of the TSsecret, it is not a secret that any person, or that the TS truly ever wants to keep. It is agony for any person to spend his/her life feeling that he or she can not be their true selves.

We feel betrayed when we learn that there was a part of them they never shared with us. We question “Did I ever know you at all?” and, “How can this happen if we love each other?” Trust seems to have shattered. But, it is important that I point out, that in many cases, it does not mean that your husband meant to betray your relationship, or that he loves YOU any less. In fact, that he often keeps his TSsecret because he loves YOU more than he loves himself. Comments? #TSsecret, #betrayal, #secret, #trueselves, #TG, #TG, #LGBT, #hetero, #relationships #feelings

HRT – Often Hidden

#M2F or #F2M wants to begin #hormone replacement therapy, but has not come out to wife/spouse, husband/boyfriend, or significant other. Should he or she begin HRT before coming out? What HRT emotional changes or HRT physical changes can he or she expect? and how soon?

Since posting this, I have had many views, so I am aware that this is a common topic of concern. Thought I would add to the post.

Often the trans M2F does not tell their partner they are using HRT. They may “dabble” with the idea. ‘Dabbling’ means, start/stop, start/stop, several times before finally decide to go forward M>F. Hormones can have remarkable effects on the human body. Feminization or masculinization (F>M) occurs over time. For the M>F skin softening and lack of muscle tone, with some breast changes occur over the first 3-6 months. But how quickly physical changes occur is determined by individual response to hormone therapy. Psychological changes which I will consider for this post as “mood changes/swings” can also occur. This can be exemplified in the M>F as ‘depression’ or a ‘lady term’ “PMS-ing” to name a couple. In F>M, it is my understanding from others that it can be seen as ‘depression’ and unusual aggression

I cannot say that damage to our relationship didn’t happen during these times of #secrets because the erratic behavior was unexplained. I honestly don’t know that J even realized how much he ‘changed’ during these episodes, or how this unexplained behavior effected me. The usual result on the trans partner is sadness, concern, frustration over the behavior which is not understand and personal questions – ‘What did I do?” My suggestion is, be honest with your partner. When you decide to try HRT, be up front and don’t keep it a secret.

Please share your thoughts and your experience. #secret #honesty #HRTtherapy #HRT #HRT_emotional_changes #HRT_physical_changes #self_medicating #comingout #M2F #F2M #mood #depression #aggression #confusion #sadness #love #T #estrogen

Check out the video by Violet4151 in the sidebar.

To Tell or Not to Tell?

Not knowing how to tell your #significant_other can be a huge problem for many men or women who are #Trans #TG or #TS, who secretly desire to be female or male. For many, who deeply love their spouse/chosen life partner, they feel they will lose the person they love if they tell them their #TGsecret.

#Opencommunication about their feelings seems impossible. The inability to express the need for #Trans change, may add to the inner despair that the #TG #TS feels. I have heard this expressed quite consistently. (I am often reminded that most of us want “Someone To Love” and think of the song written by Percy Mayfield that was sung by Sade in the Movie “Philadelphia”. See U-Tube video in sidebar)

If you have taken this step with your #spouse #significanother, would you share how you told your him or her? #truth #honesty #love #M2F #F2M #trueself #authenticself #partner #significant_other

You are not alone.

Support for your own emotional journey as you watch your transgender partner go through transition is often difficult to find. Where are you finding support in your area? Please share your support resources.

Happily, there are more resources today than when I experienced J’s transition. On line resources such as TGGuide can be helpful and provides anonymity. Their forums allow you to ask questions, and share experiences. Facebook has many groups where discussions take place. TS groups, as well as, cisgender groups can be found on Faacebook. In some cities you may now find significant other support groups (check sidebar for angelfire website which gives some information by U.S. state).

When I found it so difficult to get information. Not having someone to talk to, and unable to find resources, I vowed to share my experience with others. Thank you for viewing my site and by doing so, supporting my writing and my effort to get information to others. Your participation is appreciated, and welcomed.

#transgender #trans #M2F #F2M #TeenTrans #wife #girlfriend #significant_other #parent #family #child #mom #dad #transsupport #understanding #trans_information #mywriting #emotion #partners #TStransition #couples.

What now?

When J told me he wanted to become a she, I was at a loss for how to react to what he was telling me. As I believed us both to be #heterosexual, it brought up many different thoughts ranging from “Is J really gay?” to “Who can I talk to for information and guidance in my situation?” The biggest question was “How is this going to effect our personal relationship?” I began to question my own sexuality and I wondered if I stayed with J, what did that say about my own sexual preference? I wondered what my children, and our friends would think? I wondered, “How will we be viewed by society?”

I had so many questions!!! We had a number of challenges….there wasn’t just one. My greatest challenge, however,came in finding information and support, and the journey I took to discover for myself, if I should stay or leave the relationship…..and the self-discovery towards understanding the ways our relationship would morph.

Would you share what you feel is your greatest challenge as the #SO in your #relationship? What are your greatest fears, and if you have found answers for yourself….what was your individual #self-discovery?

Thank you. #TS #TG #LGBT #hetero #family #M2F #FTM #Gay #Bisexual #social #community #relationship #sexualidentity #gender #feelings

Your Loved One Transitions, and as He/She Rejoices, You Grieve.

Gender variance encompasses many facets along the gender identity spectrum, often very individual–there are many “shades of gray”. What seems not in question, is that the person who experiences it, though sure internally of who they are, are often confused and fearful when it comes to expressing their authentic self, and showing their need for self-identity. “Coming out” brings its own confusion and fear. Fear of rejection, fear for safety, adjustment anxiety, and situation depression, and no doubt other concerns that someone such as myself can only guess at. I am not the person faced with this internal need to change. I am the observer, the onlooker, the co-worker, the best friend, the partner, the wife, the son or daughter, the cousin, aunt or uncle…perhaps you are “the last to know.”

Your loved one has taken a leap of faith by coming out to you. You may wish they had shared the information with you sooner. Or, you may wish they had never told you. But now, knowing, you may be confused, fearful for what it means for them, fearful for what it means to your relationship with them, fearful of society’s view, and it goes on and on. In fact, you are faced with a personal perceptual adjustment, a mind over matter, sky is green, grass is blue kind of mental adjustment. you are finding that some things are not as they have seemed…it can shake us to our foundation.

Whether M2F, F2M, or any of the gender non-conforming variances that occur, I believe individuals deserve support for what it means to be their authentic self. Understanding and acceptance comes with education and/or experience. What I have discovered on my own journey and in speaking to others, is that those of us that are confronted by our loved ones coming out, are experiencing feelings that are similar, and sharing those thoughts and feelings helps. You can contact me by e-mail if you are struggling with feelings you don’t know how to handle or are afraid to share. I am here to support you if I can.

The Question Is – – The Answer is…not necessarily.

This is a common assumption but not necessarily true. If you are a cisgender female in a het relationship, one of the first things that comes to mind is that your het man is telling you that he is actually gay and has a sexual interest in men — and was never really interested in you. This is harsh assumption.

While this may be true, it is not always the case. A man who is heterosexual, may be just that…his interest in a sexual partner is a woman, and interest in a partnered relationship is with a woman. Just because the het male desires to be female, and has sex reassignment surgery and transitions to a female persona with female genitalia, doesn’t mean that once he transitions to female, that there has been a change in mind set for sexual preference or interest. However, with the new physicality, he now a she, YOU will find yourself with a partner that is now physically female.

Your relationship sexually will take on a different dimension being considered a #lesbian relationship not only by change in his>her physicality, but viewed as such by society. It will be important for YOU to determine your needs and desires in the relationship, and to communicate those to your partner. While your partner may not be gay, she is now Lesbian. If you stay, knowing you are not lesbian or bisexual in any other situation, it may simply mean that YOU are bi-capable. For more information on what I feel it means to be “bicapable” see my post on this subject. #trans #bicapable #lesbian #heterosexual #sexuality #partners #change #adjustment #whatnext #socialstigma #socialview #perception #authenticself #M2F #F2M #dontmakeassumptions #relationship #cisgender #female #male