Lesbian or Gay? and your significant other has come out to you as transgender wanting to identify as either male or female?

Are You Questioning Your Own Sexual Identity?

I have written this blog from the perspective of a heterosexual female who discovers her male significant other wants to identify as female. However, I have spoken to many lesbian women who find their lesbian partner wishes to be a male, and gay men, who find the man they love, wants to be a female. When it comes to accepting your significant  other as transsexual, we all experience some of the similar thoughts, feelings and questions.

Some Lesbian women have said they begin to question their own sexual identity when faced with a partner F>M. Some gay men expressed they wondered if they would still be attracted to their partner when he became she. The visual aspect for many men is a huge factor of attraction. These are only two of the myriad of thoughts that go through the mind of a significant other whether you are gay, lesbian or heterosexual when a partner makes this change. If you are cisgender, lesbian or a gay man and are experiencing, or have experienced this situation, I would appreciate your comments. Let your experience be insight for someone else. #gay #lesbian #trans #question #gender #identity #sexualpreference #attraction #significant_other #cisgender #LGBTQI

What Would You Do? Father Confronts Transgender Teen Son (ABC News Video in Sidebar)

This “What Would You Do?” is a staged situation produced by ABC News and John Quinones. A father unable to accept his teen transgender son who is in transition M>F confronts the son in a public place. Scenes set up to discover what on-lookers would do if they witnessed this type of event.

Worth a watch!

#support #father #son #transgender #acceptance #love #understanding #community #peers #friends #onlooker #community #LGBTTQ #unconditionallove #authenticself #whatwouldyoudo

Transgender Child and Being One’s Authentic Self

No One Said Parenting Was Easy

Parents and transgender children: I do not have much information on this site for transgender children and their parents, as it is not within my own experience. But, as an ally, and seeing this attached video produced by the Transgender Law Center, I believe it might be a wonderful positive support to the challenges transgender children and their parents face. I hope anyone viewing will see how important it is to be one’s authentic self.

I also highly recommend the book on my resource list called The Transgender Child, A Handbook for Families and Professionals by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper, to help answer your questions about your trans or gender variant child.

I often think about J in regard to “if J had been able to come out earlier in life as transgender, how different her life would be” and hope that all transchildren will be able to pursue their authentic self at the point of their discovery. I feel the flexibility of youth has to have its positive effect on the long-term physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual result for the transsexual. That said, it still isn’t an easy journey for the child nor the parent.

If you think it is difficult for an adult to come out to those they love when they hold the power of adulthood, imagine the fear and confusion a child may have! It can be particularly difficult for a parent, I understand that, you may feel you are losing a son or a daughter. Children, however, feel that if they come out to their parents, they will lose the parent. For an older child, this can be an unbelievable source of pain. All I can add is, try to be informed, educated, knowledgeable and supportive toward your child. Show a willingness to listen, understand, and encourage communication. He or she needs you now as a parent, more than they ever have, as they go through this transition.

If, as a parent you would like to do a blog post to address your concerns on this site, please do so. #teentrans #transchild #transparent #mom #dad #gendervariant_child #child #parent #love #authenticself #change #shine #children #transgender

The “White Bird” — The Need for Personal Freedom (Music Video in sidebar)

Wanting the freedom for self

The study below, published January 28, 2014, by Emily A. Reyes in the Los Angeles Times, speaks to a Transgender Study which looks at the “exceptionally high” suicide attempt rate among the transgender. It is 9x the US average. 41% of transgender individuals have attempted suicide. For more information about this study, please go to the link.

http://articles.latimes.com/2014/jan/28/local/la-me-ln-suicide-attempts-alarming-transgender-20140127

Coming through my own confusion of non-understanding, I came to realize that J was a “White Bird”. He>She only wanting to have freedom for self. (Represented by analogy, through the music of Vanessa Mae) Please see sidebar.

#Trans #M2F #F2M #LGPBQ #trapped #suicide #freetobeme #self #change #caged #fly #acceptance #personalgrowth #strength #transgender #transyouth #youth #lifeisgood

J comes out to me that he is TS – M>F – My questions and his answers.

My reaction to learning J’s desire to transition M2F. My questions, J’s responses:

“What?” I scream the word.

J: A look of apprehension and sadness.

Then, from me, came a flurry of questions:

D: “Are you gay?”

J: ” No.”

D: “Have you had sex with men?”

J: A look of unease.

D: “Have you told anyone else?”

J: A look of unease.

D: “What does this mean?”

J: A look of anger at my questions.

D: “Are you interested in men?”

J: “No!” he begins to pace.

D: “Why are you with ME?”

J: No answer.

D: “You have lied to me all of this time?”

J: “I didn’t mean to.”

D: “Does anyone else know?”

J: Head nods ‘yes’.

D: “Do you know how this makes me feel?”

J: A look of exasperation.

D: “Have you gone out in public dressed as female? Where?”

J: Head shake, ‘yes’, “private events”.

Then, J tore the wig from his head, and threw the 3 inch heels across the room, saying….”You should have known!”

When I look back at that evening, when J told me, and remember the confusion I felt, as my mind went in a shocked, whirlpool spin. Coulda, shoulda, — but I had no clue!

If J gave any words of reassurance, I didn’t hear them. When I look back, I only remember his anger at my questions and non-acceptance. I realized later, that telling me was probably the hardest thing he had ever had to do.

I cried until there were no tears left — Then, I decided I had to try to understand what it was he was saying. What did this mean? Why did he want to do this? Ultimately, I needed to know where I stood in it all. Did I mean anything to him? What did this mean to our relationship? Could I stay? Should I stay? I know many women would have left. I felt our relationship was too important to give up that easily.

I embarked on my own journey and asked questions that ultimately only I could answer.

 

The “Cinderella Factor” or, “Does the shoe fit?” (Video in sidebar)

“Where, oh where, do I go to find shoes in a large size?” you ask.

Here are some suggestions. I found a site that has a “where to go” chart by on-line store and gives sizes that can be found there. It is: http://www.alaska.net/~kathryn/heels.htm

There are no doubt others, but I found Kathryn’s site a good one over all. ‘Kathryn’ also has other clothing categories on her website which provides a one-stop shopping experience.

I remember when J showed me pink tennis shoes in size 12, proudly holding them on hands outstretched, grinning from ear to ear and saying, “Do you know how hard these were to find in my size?”

It seemed that on-line was her only option. However, J found the pink tennis shoes at PayLess!! Checkout online stores such as Zappos, DSW, and Barefoot Tess, — Heels, tennis shoes, and more —

I hope this helps! Good luck!

 

The makeup was perfect.. The bra? Not so much….

Seeing J dressed in drag, with makeup applied better than I could have done, I realized, “he” at the time, did not need any help. (But if you do, for a “how to” watch the makeup video in sidebar)

When it came to buying a bra, however, J was at a loss. (For a M2F trans pondering how to find the right one, try this video in the sidebar on for size.)

As far as ‘where to go”, I suggest starting in major department stores such as JC Penny and Macy’s. These stores are usually well-equipped to fit most women with styles, from sports bras, to functional, sexy and pretty, in colors, fabrics, patterns, lace, underwires, and spandex. Choices, choices…and, at average pricing.

Sales women with years of experience are usually available, and will help you with sizing. Boutiques, and Victoria’s Secret are also options. I have found, however, that sizing in boutiques and at Victoria’s Secret may be different than the average bra store, and prices higher, so be prepared. Once you know your size, another good option can be Target for inexpensive bras. Bra prices can fluctuate anywhere from $12.00 to $85+.

#trans #M2F #selfimprovement #makeup #bra #girls #underwear #lingerie #eyeliner #lipstick #foundation #makeup #breasts #clothes #dress #woman #support

The transparent window on a dark closet’s wall… over 10,000 views and counting…

Thank You! from me to you, for your participation in my blog, if only by viewing.  I know how difficult it is to ‘come out’…your view has been enough to keep me writing in an effort to share my story. I hope it helps you.

Writing about a subject that for many people is still ‘behind closed doors’ in the US, I am gratified to find, blog views have been coming in from all around the world: UK, Russia, Canada, China, South Korea, Ireland, Germany, France, and South America. This has motivated me to keep writing and to share my story.

When I give public open mic readings to audiences of the ‘average man/woman on the street’ I have often been approached by people who say, “My brother did that,” or, “My wife left me for a woman.”  Or, “I know a person at work that changed.” Most end their statements with “I don’t get it,” but each wants to talk.  I learn their interest is more than curiosity, there is a desire to understand.  To me, this is proof that education, information, and conversation needs to be had.

I hope, ultimately, the inquiries show a willingness to want to know, to change old ideas, and adjust perceptions.

Thank you for sharing your views!  Your views are encouraging a transparent window into what has been a dark closet’s wall!

#change #acceptance #transgender #transsexual #M2F #F2M #teentrans #parents #transkids #family #significantother #making_a_difference #cisgender #secrets #behindcloseddoors #startingover #whatnow #mywriting #mystory #comingout #hope