J comes out to me that he is TS – M>F – My questions and his answers.

My reaction to learning J’s desire to transition M2F. My questions, J’s responses:

“What?” I scream the word.

J: A look of apprehension and sadness.

Then, from me, came a flurry of questions:

D: “Are you gay?”

J: ” No.”

D: “Have you had sex with men?”

J: A look of unease.

D: “Have you told anyone else?”

J: A look of unease.

D: “What does this mean?”

J: A look of anger at my questions.

D: “Are you interested in men?”

J: “No!” he begins to pace.

D: “Why are you with ME?”

J: No answer.

D: “You have lied to me all of this time?”

J: “I didn’t mean to.”

D: “Does anyone else know?”

J: Head nods ‘yes’.

D: “Do you know how this makes me feel?”

J: A look of exasperation.

D: “Have you gone out in public dressed as female? Where?”

J: Head shake, ‘yes’, “private events”.

Then, J tore the wig from his head, and threw the 3 inch heels across the room, saying….”You should have known!”

When I look back at that evening, when J told me, and remember the confusion I felt, as my mind went in a shocked, whirlpool spin. Coulda, shoulda, — but I had no clue!

If J gave any words of reassurance, I didn’t hear them. When I look back, I only remember his anger at my questions and non-acceptance. I realized later, that telling me was probably the hardest thing he had ever had to do.

I cried until there were no tears left — Then, I decided I had to try to understand what it was he was saying. What did this mean? Why did he want to do this? Ultimately, I needed to know where I stood in it all. Did I mean anything to him? What did this mean to our relationship? Could I stay? Should I stay? I know many women would have left. I felt our relationship was too important to give up that easily.

I embarked on my own journey and asked questions that ultimately only I could answer.


The “Cinderella Factor” or, “Does the shoe fit?”

“Where, oh where, do I go to find shoes in a large size?” you ask.

Here are some suggestions. I found a site that has a “where to go” chart by on-line store and gives sizes that can be found there. It is:

Video available on my Resources page > Videos.

There are no doubt others, but I found Kathryn’s site a good one over all. ‘Kathryn’ also has other clothing categories on her website which provides a one-stop shopping experience.

I remember when J showed me pink tennis shoes in size 12, proudly holding them on hands outstretched, grinning from ear to ear and saying, “Do you know how hard these were to find in my size?”

It seemed that on-line was her only option. However, J found the pink tennis shoes at PayLess!! Checkout online stores such as Zappos, DSW, and Barefoot Tess, — Heels, tennis shoes, and more —

I hope this helps! Good luck!


The makeup was perfect.. The bra? Not so much….

Seeing J dressed in drag, with makeup applied better than I could have done, I realized, “he” at the time, did not need any help. (But if you do, for a “how to” watch the makeup video available on my Resources page in Videos.)

When it came to buying a bra, however, J was at a loss. (For a M2F trans pondering how to find the right one, go to my Resources page and look for the Video I have posted.)

As far as ‘where to go”, I suggest starting in major department stores such as JC Penny and Macy’s. These stores are usually well-equipped to fit most women with styles, from sports bras, to functional, sexy and pretty, in colors, fabrics, patterns, lace, underwires, and spandex. Choices, choices…and, at average pricing.

Sales women with years of experience are usually available, and will help you with sizing. Boutiques, and Victoria’s Secret are also options. I have found, however, that sizing in boutiques and at Victoria’s Secret may be different than the average bra store, and prices higher, so be prepared. Once you know your size, another good option can be Target for inexpensive bras. Bra prices can fluctuate anywhere from $12.00 to $85+.

#trans #M2F #selfimprovement #makeup #bra #girls #underwear #lingerie #eyeliner #lipstick #foundation #makeup #breasts #clothes #dress #woman #support

The transparent window on a dark closet’s wall… over 10,000 views and counting…

Thank You! from me to you, for your participation in my blog, if only by viewing.  I know how difficult it is to ‘come out’…your view has been enough to keep me writing in an effort to share my story. I hope it helps you.

Writing about a subject that for many people is still ‘behind closed doors’ in the US, I am gratified to find, blog views have been coming in from all around the world: UK, Russia, Canada, China, South Korea, Ireland, Germany, France, and South America. This has motivated me to keep writing and to share my story.

When I give public open mic readings to audiences of the ‘average man/woman on the street’ I have often been approached by people who say, “My brother did that,” or, “My wife left me for a woman.”  Or, “I know a person at work that changed.” Most end their statements with “I don’t get it,” but each wants to talk.  I learn their interest is more than curiosity, there is a desire to understand.  To me, this is proof that education, information, and conversation needs to be had.

I hope, ultimately, the inquiries show a willingness to want to know, to change old ideas, and adjust perceptions.

Thank you for sharing your views!  Your views are encouraging a transparent window into what has been a dark closet’s wall!

#change #acceptance #transgender #transsexual #M2F #F2M #teentrans #parents #transkids #family #significantother #making_a_difference #cisgender #secrets #behindcloseddoors #startingover #whatnow #mywriting #mystory #comingout #hope

Transgender Support Looks Like This —- Significant Other/Cisgender support looks like — ?

Where do you go to find answers?  

I must applaud a great article called “This Mongrel Land.” It is available on my Resources page under Informational Links. It delineates well the needs of the transgender person. I encourage everyone – particularly the cisgender, the family member, friends of the TS who are watching and going through the TS transition, to read it. For the curious, man or woman-on-the-street, who want to know more and be socially correct, this article gives a good overview.

While most articles focus on the needs of the TS, we must not forget that the cisgender, or significant others, wives, children, family members, and friends are transitioning too. Watching the TS transition can test the mind, spirit, belief systems, …and as we watch realities morph … We come to realize TS transition isn’t a singular one-sided process. That is why I am sharing my story. Through information and knowledge we can all transition and grow from the experience.

#trans #transteen #parent #child #transgender #LGBT #support #transition #curiousonlooker #M2F #F2M #change #physicality #mindandbody #making_a_difference #makeadifference #understanding #gay #lesbian #hetero #pronouns #BeAnAlly #AboutYou #YouMatter

Seeking support – Physicians, counselors, and….the BDSM community? How might this fit in?

One might think why the BDSM community? Within many BDSM (bondage, dominance, sadomasochism) organizations, the term “safe, sane and consensual” guides the participants. I realize that the first thing that probably comes to your mind is the vision of leather-clad females cracking whips at a male in shackles.

While that can happen, it is a stereotype.

This community venue can provide a much larger stage for the transgender, or transsexual person.  Open to diversity in thinking, role play and what is termed ‘power exchange,’ the BDSM community may provide a safe place for some to act out what I will call “fantasies of self” in a non-judgmental/accepting and most importantly, a SAFE environment. “Safe” has the additional caveat of meaning “confidential” “private” and #consensual….

At organization events, it is possible to ‘try the desired new self ‘on for size'”. Dress in costume (e.g., dress as M2F or F2M), role play in the gender one wants to be, practice voice and gestures/behaviors, and participate in what is called “power exchange”. An explanation of power exchange, can be leaving the “male dominant” role for a few hours as one acts out, or explores, a “female submissive” role, or a female dressing as a male, and role playing, or “acting the part”, among others who actively support through improvisation. At the same time, it is not encouraged to use BDSM play as “therapy” … rather exploration of self.

I will state here that before engaging in this activity, research for an organization that supports ‘safe, sane, and consensual role play’!! I believe that most groups require a participant to be 21 years of age or older. Review the organizations charter before joining, to see if they stress ‘safe, sane, and consensual play’, and if there are daytime/weekend group introductory meetings, attend one before you join or go to an evening event. Many can give you an on-line informational link before you attend any group intro meetings. You might check the site on line which lists #BDSM, #fettish and #kink groups by State within the U.S. J and I found groups in San Francisco supportive to the #trans.

Look for further information and links to BDSM information and groups on my Resources page under Informational Links.

#roleplay #privacy #kink #BDSM #fettish #trans #safesaneconsensual #safe_sane_consensual #powerexchange #role_reversal #selfexploration #acceptance

Life Happens

Do you stay, or do you go?

Life happens. Posting in a tweet today, I couldn’t help but think about this statement. We can’t control what happens to us or around us in life. We can try to control how we handle it. I could have done what some suggested “Run, run fast. You didn’t sign up for this.” But I chose to stay, and took the journey with Jack, and tried to learn by the experience.

In the process I discovered a lot about the trials that others have in life that otherwise, may never have come to my attention.I also learned a lot about myself. If I could re-do it with what I know now, the journey for both of us might have been much easier.

I am grateful for what I learned, and I hope that I can effectively, at some point, through #mywriting, share what I learned with others. #change #trans #TG #significant_other #cisgender #LGBT  and trying to #making_a_difference

“Coming Out” — or, “Will I pass?” Confidence is Key!

Confidence is key!

The question every #TS has at some time whether it is a M2F or F2M. “Will I ‘pass’ when I go out in public?”

You dress, you look into the mirror, and the image before you is the best you can do.” “I’m ready.” You say to yourself. Then you take the chance, and you open the door, take a chance, leave the house, and go out in public. Deep down you are wondering if you will pull it off.

Will the person you pass on the street see you M2F, as female? or F2M, as a male? or, will some way you look, sound, or move, give you away? After all, this is new to you. You have not had a chance to perfect it yet. …. but you do it.

Confidence is key!

“It seems to be working.” you say to yourself. “It seems no one guesses what I have gone through to get here, in this moment.” You feel you are managing to ‘pass’. “What’s next?” you think to yourself. You head for the Ladies/Mens Room.”  Read the chapter in my book, “Coming Out”

#coming out #fear #confidence #success #M2F #F2M #trans #Ladies #restroom #Mens #TeenTrans #crossdresser how did you handle this difficult challenge? Please share your success story, tips, how-to, words of encouragement. Mostly, #words_of_encouragement  #personalvictory

“You should have known!” J shouted. What clues had J dropped like breadcrumbs on the forest floor?

Coulda, shoulda – but I didn’t.

When J came out expressing his desire as M2F, he shouted, “You should have known!”  Coulda, shouda, but I didn’t.

How would I have known? I questioned myself repeatedly…what clues had J dropped like breadcrumbs on the forest floor?  Then I remembered the tube of lipstick on the bathroom counter that wasn’t mine; and,the Pussy Tourette CD I frequently saw lying on top of the CD player. (The video is available on YouTube by pasting this link in your browser: ) Had these been clues left for me to discover? Perhaps– But how could I have known? The question I could not answer.

Do you leave clues, hoping your significant other will catch on? What are they? #M2F #F2M #PussyTourette #music #clues #secretlife #significant_other #LGBTQ #TG #trans #communication #change #authenticself #honestythebestpolicy

#TeenTrans, adult #Trans have you been bullied?

Remember, not everyone thinks or sees things the way a bully does.  Don’t let the bully convince you otherwise.  You question it? Come talk to me.

The news has been recounting horrific stories of bullying of and by children, and now, to the forefront, bullying of the transgender child. As a #TransTeen or TS adult, have you experienced such attitudes or attacks? Can you speak to how you handled your situations? and, if TS,or if you have a #TransTeen or TG child, how you are dealing with those that pass judgement on you/them?

To those teens, children and adults who stand up for the #TransTeen #transchild #TS #TG #LBGTQI or, others who struggle for acceptance, THANK YOU!

In support of one such ‘stop bullying’ project, (Bullies & Bystanders Project)I am informed that a new book is coming out edited by Joseph Zaccardi (Poet Laureate 2013, Marin Co. CA, USA) called “Changing Harm to Harmony: Anthology of Poems and Letters”. Book launch Nov 8, 2014 and may be found for purchase on-line. Proceeds will go to Marin Poetry Center’s High School Poetry Program which brings poetry to students and informs them of the consequences of bullying, and to Spectrum LGBT Center which promotes acceptance,understanding and full inclusion of LBGTQ people. Kudos to the Bullies & Bystanders Project!

Wishing everyone peace and safety worldwide. #TS #Trans #TG #LGBT #gay #lesbian #family #significant_other #TeenTrans #teen #child #son #daughter #mother #father #parent #attitude #disrespect #dontjudge #mylife #change #love #respect #stopbullying #inclusion #poetry