Remember, not everyone thinks or sees things the way a bully does.  Don’t let the bully convince you otherwise.  You question it? Come talk to me.

The news has been recounting horrific stories of bullying of and by children, and now, to the forefront, bullying of the transgender child. As a #TransTeen or TS adult, have you experienced such attitudes or attacks? Can you speak to how you handled your situations? and, if TS,or if you have a #TransTeen or TG child, how you are dealing with those that pass judgement on you/them?

To those teens, children and adults who stand up for the #TransTeen #transchild #TS #TG #LBGTQI or, others who struggle for acceptance, THANK YOU!

In support of one such ‘stop bullying’ project, (Bullies & Bystanders Project)I am informed that a new book is coming out edited by Joseph Zaccardi (Poet Laureate 2013, Marin Co. CA, USA) called “Changing Harm to Harmony: Anthology of Poems and Letters”. Book launch Nov 8, 2014 and may be found for purchase on-line. Proceeds will go to Marin Poetry Center’s High School Poetry Program which brings poetry to students and informs them of the consequences of bullying, and to Spectrum LGBT Center which promotes acceptance,understanding and full inclusion of LBGTQ people. Kudos to the Bullies & Bystanders Project!

Wishing everyone peace and safety worldwide. #TS #Trans #TG #LGBT #gay #lesbian #family #significant_other #TeenTrans #teen #child #son #daughter #mother #father #parent #attitude #disrespect #dontjudge #mylife #change #love #respect #stopbullying #inclusion #poetry

As a significant other, you would think, that after time, we would ‘catch on’ that our husband or boyfriend has the desire to be female. In fact, one of the things J said to me in a burst of defensive anger, was “You should have known!” But I didn’t.

As I thought back about it, questioning myself “Why didn’t I see it?”, I realized I didn’t see it because he did so well at hiding his secret.

The only “physical evidence” I had ever seen in six years was a tube of lipstick laying on the bathroom counter that wasn’t mine. When I asked J, “Where did this come from?”. Wondering why another woman had been at the apartment, his response had been that his ex had stopped by to talk with him, and she must have left it. I did not pick up on the fact that when he took it from my hand, J tossed it into a drawer, instead of the wastebasket.

It also came out that J did what he said was a common practice for the M>F trans keeping his secret. He would purchase makeup and clothing when he had the need to dress as female, commonly use business trips which he took out of state 2 or 3 times a year, for this practice. He would “purge” before he came home, disposing of all of the womanly items in an airport wastebasket. He was very careful to make sure that I never saw evidence of his M>F secret desire.

TS – Trans do you purge? Significant Other – Did you ever suspect? Did the #TSsecret go unnoticed? #TS #trans #hetero #LGBT #significant_other #woman #M2F #purge #secret_life #secrets #crossdress #teentrans

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?  “bi-capable”

In my situation as a heterosexual female, I realized that when “he” became “she” our sex life would change. How would I handle what essentially would become a lesbian sexual relationship? We had been together going on seven years. I loved this person. I didn’t want to leave. I found myself questioning my own sexual orientation…and I wondered if I stayed, would we still find pleasure and satisfaction in our sexual relationship? If we did, did that mean that I was lesbian? bisexual? It is a question I have learned that most heterosexual cisgender persons (female or male) ask themselves when faced with their partner’s transition.

I must say, that I believe it is essential that one understands their own sexual needs. That is why this question is so individual and personal. I questioned if our sexual experience together as a couple had been satisfying to me and what made it so? After much soul-searching, I came to the conclusion I was not lesbian and I was not bisexual. I was “bicapable”.

What do I mean by “bi-capable”? I mean that with THIS person, THIS partner whom you have established a sexual relationship with, as a “he”, or as a “she”, and with whom you have a ‘history’, you may be capable of a gratifying sexual intimacy/relationship to each others mutual satisfaction, even after transition and sex reassignment surgery, because you know and understand each other’s needs. This you would be capable of, even though you know that in any other circumstance presented with a lesbian, or gay, sexual encounter you would have no interest. This is what I mean by ‘bi-capable.”

So many variables make up one’s own ability to enjoy being with another person in an intimate way. A consensual relationship, it’s no one else’s business but that of the two of you, how you express your sexual nature when together. In any relationship, it is the couple that defines what that is. Self-exploration, curiosity, and experimentation can contribute to your personal growth, and the growth of a relationship if done with self-awareness, consent, and care for another person. Talk to your partner about your needs, likes, dislikes, and be honest, and sensitive to the other’s needs. You might be surprised at what you discover about yourself, and them. Could you discover you are a lesbian? Maybe. If male, could you discover you are gay? Maybe. Perhaps you are bisexual. But you may come to realize that by nature, you are heterosexual. It is just in this particular circumstance, with this particular person, in this particular circumstance and relationship, you are bicapable. I welcome your thoughts.

#bisexual #heterosexual #lesbian #Gay #bicapable #biflexible #female #sexuality #woman #significantother #M2F #TS #TG #F2M #compatibility #sex #love #partnership #sensuality #sexuality #personalgrowth #authenticself #relationships #specialcircumstance

You Question What Now? What’s Next? maybe even, Why Me?

When you first learn of your husband or boyfriend’s desire to become female, you may not have had any idea at all that he felt this way. If your experience is at all like mine, you initially feel betrayed, confused, and angry. You are downright scared to death for what it all means to your relationship.

For me, I knew no one in my family or social circle would understand. There was no one I felt I could talk to. I began to try to reach out for information and education, for books, counselors, anyone who could explain it to me.

I am available to answer your questions. Feel free to ask. Please see the “where did you find support topic for other resources”. If you cannot get on the blog to post a question or comment, e-mail me. I answer all questions. Know, that you are not alone. Reach out. #SO, #significant_other, #husband, #boyfriend, #Trans, #Transsexual, #M2F, #F2M, #LGBT, #support+wife, #No+one+to+talk+to #TeenTrans #friends #family #communication #betrayal #confusion #adjustmentdisorientation

Say “NO!” to Risky Behavior

No one wants to contract HIV. However,risky sex behavior can put not only yourself at risk, but your unsuspecting spouse,wife,sexual partner.

Expect one of the first questions your significant other will ask when you come out with your Transsecret, will be “Are you Gay?” followed in quick succession with, “Have you had sex with men?” and then, a realization, that that type of sexual exposure, or any sexual activity outside of your exclusive committed relationship with her, may have put you both at HIV risk.

Whether you have had risky sexual exposure, or if you have never been tested for HIV, before you have your “I want to be a woman” talk with your significant other, get tested. Have the paper results in hand when you have your talk with her.

According to the Henry J. Kaiser Foundation, 84% of women contracting HIV in the US have contracted HIV through heterosexual sex. 22% of women in the US fear that they might contract HIV.

In my own case, I questioned J with regard to risky sexual behavior with anyone – gay men, or others. Like many people are, having never been tested, he was in fear-based denial. In my book, I write about my fears, my feelings, and what happens.

#riskysex, #TS, #TG, #Trans, #significantother, #Transsecret, #committedrelationship, #LGB, #HIV, #AIDS, #Gay, #Lesbian, #sex, #unprotectedsex, #spouse, #wife,#TeenTrans #safesex

My Book Is Out, Thanks to You!

In an effort to support significant others, and to see if there is an interest in my story, and the topic which is my relationship with M2F TS with regard to his>her coming out and transition, I have asked your help over the past five years either as blog views  or questions.

In my story I share experiences, thoughts, and the feelings I had during J’s transition. By doing so, I hope significant others, who may be having difficulty with the TS transition, will find it easier to understand and accept. I believe everyone should be able to live their life as their authentic self.

Your click on different topics helped me see what topic you found of most interest. This is also helpful for posts I might add to the blog. I have posted videos and informational links as aids to those who need the information. Not everyone that views may find the information pertinent to their need. Each post reflects an experience I had with J.

I would appreciate it if you would follow me on Twitter @GreenSkySF

Join me on Facebook, I am at  Diane Story.  My book, now published, is prominent on the site.  “The Sky is Green & The Grass is Blue: Diane’s Story” (My Personal Journey as the Significant Other to an M2F Transsexual)

Send me questions you might have to E-MAIL: dianakellyauthor@gmail.com  and I will respond.

Thank you for viewing this site, and for your support for my writing.

In my book, Chapter 27, Out of the Mouths of Babes, I tell what I did.

Please share your concerns about telling your #children your #TSsecret

How do you think they will respond when they learn Dad is coming out…?

Mom is coming out….?

Or… if a separated (divorced) parent was, now, dating and learned their partner was #TS…?

Your comments may help someone else who faces these situations prepare their own disclosure.When J came out, I told my children. A couple of them were surprised, but two others were not surprised at all. Children often sense what we as adults overlook, or, recognize on some level, what an adult may not initially grasp. They are often intuitive, and are very resilient. Consider, you ARE their parent. They don’t want to lose your love. Reassurance is always good. Thank you for your comments.

#trans #children #family #LGBT #TS #dad #mom #TSsecret #communication #honesty #comingout

Believe me, Keeping the Secret is Harder Than Telling the Truth

J managed to keep his #TSsecret from me. It is important to say here, that as betrayed as we might feel in the initial discovery of the TSsecret, it is not a secret that any person, or that the TS truly ever wants to keep. It is agony for any person to spend his/her life feeling that he or she can not be their true selves.

We feel betrayed when we learn that there was a part of them they never shared with us. We question “Did I ever know you at all?” and, “How can this happen if we love each other?” Trust seems to have shattered. But, it is important that I point out, that in many cases, it does not mean that your husband meant to betray your relationship, or that he loves YOU any less. In fact, that he often keeps his TSsecret because he loves YOU more than he loves himself. Comments? #TSsecret, #betrayal, #secret, #trueselves, #TG, #TG, #LGBT, #hetero, #relationships #feelings

HRT – Often Hidden

#M2F or #F2M wants to begin #hormone replacement therapy, but has not come out to wife/spouse, husband/boyfriend, or significant other. Should he or she begin HRT before coming out? What HRT emotional changes or HRT physical changes can he or she expect? and how soon?

Since posting this, I have had many views, so I am aware that this is a common topic of concern. Thought I would add to the post.

Often the trans M2F does not tell their partner they are using HRT. They may “dabble” with the idea. ‘Dabbling’ means, start/stop, start/stop, several times before finally decide to go forward M>F. Hormones can have remarkable effects on the human body. Feminization or masculinization (F>M) occurs over time. For the M>F skin softening and lack of muscle tone, with some breast changes occur over the first 3-6 months. But how quickly physical changes occur is determined by individual response to hormone therapy. Psychological changes which I will consider for this post as “mood changes/swings” can also occur. This can be exemplified in the M>F as ‘depression’ or a ‘lady term’ “PMS-ing” to name a couple. In F>M, it is my understanding from others that it can be seen as ‘depression’ and unusual aggression

I cannot say that damage to our relationship didn’t happen during these times of #secrets because the erratic behavior was unexplained. I honestly don’t know that J even realized how much he ‘changed’ during these episodes, or how this unexplained behavior effected me. The usual result on the trans partner is sadness, concern, frustration over the behavior which is not understand and personal questions – ‘What did I do?” My suggestion is, be honest with your partner. When you decide to try HRT, be up front and don’t keep it a secret.

Please share your thoughts and your experience. #secret #honesty #HRTtherapy #HRT #HRT_emotional_changes #HRT_physical_changes #self_medicating #comingout #M2F #F2M #mood #depression #aggression #confusion #sadness #love #T #estrogen

Check out the video by Violet4151 in the sidebar.

To Tell or Not to Tell?

Not knowing how to tell your #significant_other can be a huge problem for many men or women who are #Trans #TG or #TS, who secretly desire to be female or male. For many, who deeply love their spouse/chosen life partner, they feel they will lose the person they love if they tell them their #TGsecret.

#Opencommunication about their feelings seems impossible. The inability to express the need for #Trans change, may add to the inner despair that the #TG #TS feels. I have heard this expressed quite consistently. (I am often reminded that most of us want “Someone To Love” and think of the song written by Percy Mayfield that was sung by Sade in the Movie “Philadelphia”. See U-Tube video in sidebar)

If you have taken this step with your #spouse #significanother, would you share how you told your him or her? #truth #honesty #love #M2F #F2M #trueself #authenticself #partner #significant_other